


They tried

by 23senriser23



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Bullying, Dom/sub, Embarrassment, Gay Panic, Grindr, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Prank Wars, Revenge, Sarcasm, Secret Crush, Shock, Submissive Hinata, The Author Regrets Nothing, They still play volleyball, Unwanted Help, a lil bit of smut, baka kageyama, eventual smut but wait you pervert, the miya brothers have a sketchy bussiness, they both have one braincell, they re so naive it hurts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:07:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29082132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/23senriser23/pseuds/23senriser23
Summary: So, what if Kageyama made his mother believe that he needed money for balls surgery?Hinata was planning revenge.A hurtful one.He was going to make an account on a gay dating app with Tobio's email, name and photos. He will set up dates with ugly old dudes and send his friend to meet them, unknowingly.This email is already connected to an account. Want to log it?What?
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43





	1. Top 10 things that didn't go according to the plan

Hinata had Kageyama's phone in his small hands, typing a Bio for his best friend's brand new, fresh Grindr account!

Even though Kags didn't know about it, and he really shouldn't know that he was the culprit behind this amazing revenge joke that he totally deserved. 

Kageyama and Hinata have been playing for the past _4_ months a dangerous game called Pranksters, that basically evolved very fast into making each other's lives impossible. 

Kageyama had been putting ice in his pants at night, putting his phone number on prostitute sites and sent fake dick pics to his co-workers using Hinata's phone. 

Hinata considered himself a slow thinker and a kind soul, therefore his pranks had been, up to this moment, innocent jokes: he soaked Kageyama's toothbrush in salt, changed his alarm settings, hid his phone, things like that. 

But Kags' jokes had gone _waaay_ too far this time. Two weeks ago, as they were getting ready for their training, packing clothes and unplugging phones let to charge, Hinata saw a floating notification on his screen, from an unknown number. 

"Kageeeyaaama!" the boy yelled. 

"Whaat?"

"I got a text from someone I don't have on my agenda! If they ask for a steamy night again, you're a dead man!" he said, opening his phone. 

The person who texted him wasn't asking for a steamy night. They were announcing him that everything was going according to the plan and that he shouldn't worry and that now they were going to transfer the money in his bank account. 

What the _actual_ fuck?

Whose money? What plan? 

He texted fast "May I ask who are you" before closing the phone. 

"Kageyama, you're not funny, what happened?!"

Kageyama appeared behind the door, wearing a smirk and a large hoodie:

"Yes, it very is", then he started laughing as Hinata's phone started ringing in his hand.

"Hello, Hinata Shoyou here, I think you have--"

"O, Shou, I'm happy you're alright!"

That was his mother's voice.

MOTHERFUCKERWHATHEHADDONE

Did that fucker just delete his mother from his agenda?

He looked at Kageyama who looked so happy and sound and safe and he wanted to beat him with a hammer. What was going on?

"Hey, mom, look--"

"I can say I'm quite offended that you didn't recognise my number, but we'll talk about that later."

"Mom, please! Listen, Ka--!"

"It is not polite to interrupt a worried mom, Shou.”

"Sorry, but let me tell you...”

"Pumpkin, you don't have to sound so down. I didn't believe when I read that SMS, but I'm happy now that the bad gang guys left you alone, finally. I sent the money for your... uhum.. testicular operation."

Hinata choked on air. 

"MOM!"

Oh, Kageyama should start running by now if he wanted to make it to a police station; because if Hinata will put a hand on him, he'll rip him to pieces and feed him to piranha fish. 

"Don't worry, Shou. Everything will be alright! Mom is here to support you! Dad too!"

A broken sound echoed through his phone, then a child's scream was heard. His mom was talking again:

"Sorry Shou, Ayao broke a cup and I think she's hurt! Hold on, dear!" she yelled to his niece. "Talk to you later, bye! Call me soon!" 

Then his mom hung up. 

Looking back at it, yes, it was funny, but Kags deserved to die for all the embarrassment he caused him. 

"Idiot! Moron! How could you do that?!"

Hinata tried to throw a punch but failed. Kageyama had blocked it with his arm and how he was grinning like the stupid jack-ass worm he was. 

"Your mom is very naive, you know?" Kageyama started, but then they began fighting and Hinata never got an explanation because every time he'd bring up the subject they'd start fighting and forget about the problem. 

Now, Hinata had an act of proper revenge on his mind: sign up on a secret gay dating app for Kageyama, set up dates with old, ugly dudes and send him to meet them, film his reaction and win a Nobel Prize for his intelligence, then an Oscar for the best drama-comedy short movie: a compilation with Kageyama's reactions to his unknown dates. 

Hinata almost tasted victory on his tongue. He made sure to be alone at home; Kageyama had a meeting that was not going to end until 4 pm, and it was only 2 pm. The short boy made sure to have everything on hand: a prewritten bio, pictures, his favourite songs and quotes that were so cheesy it made Hinata throw up. 

The app took a second to load, and Hinata laid on the bed and started to think: Kags was a weird creature, but the past few years that Shoyo spent with said weird creature made his understanding of how Tobio works better, and therefore, his dislikings. 

His bio had to be way too revealing, Hinata thought. And that's how it was written, like a small diary. The pictures he was going to upload were close-ups of him in his soft moments: cooking, chill setting practice, listening to music, eating. 

Hinata made sure to make his roommate look like the perfect candidate for a pervy old man: a soft, manipulable boy. 

Which was funny because Kageyama was like stainless steel; you could _maybe_! _maybe_! bend him a little if you used a hydraulic pressing machine. 

_Just imagine the way Kageyama will start swearing, yelling, panicking after seeing his disgusting dates!_

The small boy chuckled loudly. Sweet revenge, sweet as sugar. The app loaded, and now the plan was moving to the second base. 

Hinata stoops up, went to the window, and pulled the curtains together. The room was dark now, with no chance of being spied from outside. (7th floor, but you can never be _too_ sure). He walked up to the front door, verified if it was closed. He opened every door, in case something moved, he could hear it. They had no pets, everything was silent as a cemetery: a cemetery for Kageyama's dignity after Hinata was done with him.

He went back to his room, pitch-black darkness and started touching the mattress blindly until he found the phone. 

Hinata sat down, turned the phone on, and it was time for the third base: signing up. Grindr opened slowly.

The boy was excited like it was Christmas. He was so happy! Like he was going to get laid, but it probably was because he almost could feel the happiness of his future self. 

The first thing the app asked for was his email. Hinata, in the early stages of his plan, wanted to use Kageyama's phone number for extra fun, but he realized he had to have his phone, and that was way harder than using an email. He started typing Kageyama's one and only email: 

**kageyama.tobio14@gmail.com**

Before pressing the next button, he reached out to his laptop. Two days ago he realized he still had Tobio's Gmail logged in and that was the sign he needed. Hinata never received any notifications on his friend's behalf, but the account was there, waiting silently for the human tangerine to use it to betray his owner. 

He logged into Kageyama's Gmail account. Tobio's phone had Gmail notifications off all the time, like many other apps, because, as he said, "It made him feel pressured to do things".

What a convenience.

Hinata pressed NEXT, preparing his fingers to type Kageyama's name. The small loading screen was still loading, and then it stopped.

_This email is already connected to an account. Want to log it?_

What the actual fuck? Hinata stared at the screen a little longer. Maybe he mistyped? Mistakes happen. He started typing again, slowly, concentrated. 

**kageyama.tobio14@gmail.com**

He accepted Terms and Conditions, then he pressed the scary NEXT button.

Loading screen for a second, then, in red, the message:

_This email is already connected to an account. Want to log it?_

Hinata stopped for a second, thinking. What...

Happened?

Why? What? Why couldn't he make an account? HE HASN'T SIGNED UP YET SO THE EMAIL COULDN'T ALREADY BE IN USE, STUPID APP!

Already in use?

What did that even mean?

Used? 

Could 2 people have the same email address? Did someone on Grindr use an email identical to Kageyama's?

What if a coworker of his saw his email on Grindr and thought it was actually KAGEYAMA?

That was the reason his co-workers kept on avoiding him? Because they thought he was gay? 

_Shit shit shit_ , Hinata thought. What could he do? He had to contact the man with the same email address and tell him to change his address because he had caused problems for his friend.

Poor gay guy. 

Just wanted some dick and now a stranger was about to ruin his day. 

Hinata felt sorry for him for about 15 seconds, but he remembered Tobio's sad face as he came home from work: desperate, always in conflict with someone; slouching, a sad smile on his lips. 

Hinata believed until 3 minutes ago that it was because of his old habit of being an asshole, but it turns out, it was just a big misunderstanding. He was going to save his friend's reputation, then a prank!

A huge prank!

But now, email. 

His email was nicely structured. It was composed on his phone because he didn't want to risk logging out from Tobio's Gmail. Personal information is precious. 

He even used an old English textbook, in order to set things straight. As he knew, the email will be sent only to the other person, because Tobio never mentioned receiving someone else's mail. Probably it was a glitch or a coding mistake or maybe just magic bad luck. 

_Please_ _help_ _me_ , were the last words of the digital letter. 

He pressed sent and waited. 

It was 3:30.

He waited a minute. 

Hm, maybe he should make himself some tea as he waited to the stranger to answer?

Ding

Hinata froze, turned away from the laptop's screen as the notification sound rang like a church's giant loud-ass bell. 

He had received a new email. 

From **hinata22.shou@gmail.com**

His email.

Hinata turned towards the screen as he started googling the most terrifying question of his life: 

_Can 2 people have the same email address?_

The boy looked at the clock just so he didn't have to look at the screen. He waited. 

Tic toc

Tic toc

The clock tic toc-ed in rhythm with his heart. He clicked on the first link, scanning the screen for the big bright purple yes that was going to save his life. 

_No, Google does not permit two identical email addresses._

Shoyo closed the laptop. 

He felt like he was dreaming. 

He also felt stupid; but stupidly dreaming. Kageyama's, his roommate's email address was linked to a Grindr account. 

Who could've set up a fake account for him? Tsukishima? Did he even have access to Tobio's email to confirm the account? 

Kindachi? Maybe as revenge? 

But Onion Head himself said that he had moved on. 

AND THAT WAS 4 YEARS AGO!

Someone from work? 

That meant that Kageyama was bullied at work?

Just the thought made his blood boil. How dare they mistreat such an amazing person?! He would never say that aloud, but it was true. Kageyama was amazing, and he didn't deserve any of the things he imagined were happening. 

Hinata had an idea. Slow-thinker, but he had ideas. 

He opened the laptop again. He could track down the unknown Grindr's account history, using his Gmail. 

Emails have a bad habit of announcing you of every single shit that happens related to your account, but damn how grateful he was for that feature. 

...

But he couldn't find anything in the inbox.

Neither in spam, nowhere. Not even the registration confirmation from when the account was supposedly created. 

The person who had access to Kageyama' Gmail deleted that email. 

The probability of him being bullied at work grew, and so did Hinata's anger. His friend, right now, was in a room with people who were using his personal contact information as entertainment, and his safety as a toy. 

Hinata knew his own intentions, but not those people's! Maybe they actually wanted Kageyama hurt! 

Fuck them, Hinata thought. 

If he was Tobio's only true honest friend, so be it. He was proud of his position, and he won't abandon Kageyama, especially now. 

Suddenly, another idea arose. An idea that was so beautiful he almost started to cry, at how thankful Kageyama would be at his heroic act of mercy. 

He would log in into that weird bully account and he will delete it.

He reopened the app. 

He pressed log in. 

He typed Kageyama's email, and then, the tough times came. The password. 

A password?

Hinata shook his head. 

3:50

In 30 minutes, Kags was gonna be at home. AND HE WAS GOING TO MAKE HIM HAPPY!

Password, yes.

123456789...?

He typed the numbers. Stupid, but it was worth trying. 

Loading screen.

Incorrect

Of course, it had to be incorrect!

Kageyama01?

TobioKageyama1?

Pranksters?

No, no, no, every single one of the incorrect. 

Hinata tried to think, then he remembered Tobio saying something along the lines of "simple and rhymy, that's how you can remember a password".

He typed in: 1q2w3e4r

Because it was funny, because he tried, he thought it wouldn't work.

It loaded for a second, then the screen started to load something else.

He did it?

He actually did it?

Hinata was so excited!

He closed the laptop, put it back on the desk and started moving his fingers. He had never used Grindr, and the few tutorials he had found online were on how to create an appealing profile, not how to use the actual app. 

He looked around the screen for a profile button. Settings usually are around your profile.

HE WAS _FUCKING_ LOGGED IN! He was going to help Kageyama!

Hinata was smiling ear to ear, humming to himself a happy song. He was a happy princess, about to save his prince.

Weird analogy, Hinata thought. Kageyama, his prince?

Hinata pressed something, and then a picture of Kageyama appeared suddenly. 

Did he found the profile menu?

The boy looked at the screen, silent. In the black room, he found himself staring at the phone in his hands, his friend's picture bright in his face. 

Kageyama was... not ugly, to say at least, but Hinata preferred to not think about him in that way. 

But as he was alone now, so he allowed himself to wonder a bit: the picture was probably one he had on his Instagram: it was with him in a park, smiling with a soda in his hands. Hinata actually took the photo, but he didn't pay attention to how Tobio's face looked as sunlight caressed it, happy eyes and cheerful smile that was so rare on his face, innocent. The photo was uploaded 4 months ago.

And Kageyama looked so beautiful it hurt. His fingers tingled, wishing to feel skin underneath. To imagine he was sleeping in the room next to his it was like a slap across the face. 

So close to him. How Kageyama's hugs were like? Was he tender? Was he rough? 

How did he...?

Hinata shook the shameful thought away, blushing like hell. He scrolled down, pressed another button, something to get rid of that cute face that made him feel weird things in his chest and hands.

Like he wanted to squeeze something. 

Scrolling down, he found the bio. 

"I'm looking for something fun and someone to laugh with/ casual, nothing serious"

Hmmmm.

The person who created this account was someone who knew Tobio very well because he rarely said useless things. This description was so well-written it was almost frightening. 

Hinata pressed a button that looked like it would get him to the settings panel. 

But it didn't. 

It got him to the chatroom. 

Hinata felt like a stalker. Even though it wasn't Tobio's profile, it felt weird to use the account, to see all the people that weirdo chatted with, pretending it was Kageyama. 

But, as many have said before, curiosity got the best of him. The profile pictures of the guys were too small, but Hinata clicked on a conversation. The last text was from 5 days ago.

"Sorry but I'm not interested", said the other guy.

The fake Kageyama called this guy a couple of times, talked a little over 3 hours, but he was rejected in the end. 

Good for him. He deserved way more, like being told he's disgusting, that he has no personality, to make the man feel bad, to never dare hurt his friend again. 

Hinata clicked the guy's profile picture, to see who the amazing rejector was. That guy deserved a trophy.

He waited for the profile to load, then he looked at the screen, to see who the guy was: orange curls, big eyes, pale skin, huge smile. 

Hinata was breathless. " _What the actual fuck_ " he murmured, in complete shock.

HE LOOKED LIKE HIM! AN OLDER VERSION, BUT LIKE HIM! IT WAS CREEPY!

A loud crack made itself heard.

The boy froze.

_"The fuck? What do I do now?"_

That was the front door. 

"Hinata, I'm back!"

That was Kageyama. Shit. He was so focused he forgot to check the clock!

Hinata closed the phone with the speed of light and tossed it under the pillow.

"Hello!" He yelled back. 

His breath was fast and he looked startled. He had to get his cool back or Tobio will know that something's off. He could never know that a coworker of his made an account on a gay dating app and he used it to talk to people that looked like Hinata.

It was getting creepier and creepier.

Hinata basically sprinted towards the entry. 

"Hellooo, Kageyama! How was your day?"

Hinata spoke in a high-pitched voice, fidgeting and trying his best to not show his nervousness. 

Kageyama was smiling, ear to ear. 

That's weird.

"Hello, Hinata."


	2. PherX on Kageyama

"Hello, Hinata."

He was speaking calmly, which was disturbing, to say at least. He was smiling brightly, in a creepy way, eyes closed and teeth showing. 

He looked like an animal in front of the prey, and Hinata's dreams did not involve becoming a savory dinner.

"Are you planning on eating me tonight?"

Oh FUCK did that came out wrong-

"HINATA WHAT THE--"

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that I meant to say like food you get it food that thing you put in your mouth and then swallow--"

"PLEASE, FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU SICK FUCK, STOP! It's already embarrassing enough! I just came home! I ask for one day! One day!" 

Hinata saw Strawberry Kageyama now slightly nervous too, but he truly didn't mean anything sexual! It just came out wrong! 

Tobio picked up his suitcase and started walking towards the kitchen. He was humming something to him, still red and now looking kind of uneasy. 

Shit, his behavior was off, and even he could realize it. He had to make sure his friend wasn't getting suspicious.

"So... Kageyama."

Tobio was now boiling some water. His face wasn't visible, it was covered by black hair. He looked pretty.

Pretty fucking hot. 

They sat there for a few minutes, in embarrassing but comforting silence. The kitchen was luminous and the green plants gave the apartment a family aura that he liked. 

"I said, what?!" Kageyama said, taking a sharp turn to look at him. 

"Uh yeah yes!"

Damn, what a mess he was. He was completely see-through. He couldn't lose this battle. It's "Go big or go home!" not "Get shy and ruin the plan!"

"Have you ever heard about Grindr?"

"WHAT!" Kageyama yelped, then he slapped himself over the mouth. 

"Grindr, you know, the app for gay folks to chatty chat and then do the dirty"

"The dirty?"

Kageyama was like, red-red, eyes wide.

"What's wrong with you today, Hinata?"

"Me? You're the one acting weird!"

"I'M NOT"

"You've been boiling a spit of water for 10 minutes now! You're frying our pot!"

The boy turned around to see the pot empty, water long gone. He looked stupid, looking dumbfucked at that stove.

"I-I-um, what?"

Hinata blinked for a second, then waited. He was weird for a reason, why was his friend acting all idiotic all of a sudden? 

"What were you trying to do? Let me help you"!

"No, I'm fine, really."

The boy decided to ask, but in a sneaky way, trying to seem indifferent by checking out the ceiling. 

"Are there any problems at work?"

"No, they're amazing," Tobio said, putting the pot away and pouring himself a cup of water.

What's him and the water?

Wait, his coworkers weren't some bastards who hated his friend?

"A, weren't they... hating you? Bullying you? Making fun of you?"

Now, Tobio looked with disbelief and pity in his eyes. 

"No, man, they're chill. I'm not in middle school anymore."

"Are you sure? Sure-sure?" Hinata asked with big eyes, searching through the depths of his soul for the answer he was looking for.

Kageyama raised his eyebrow. He looked annoyed.

"We're working together, of course we're getting along."

Now... that was... unexpected?

"Can't you think of anyone who'd hate you?"

The black haired boy was now sitting on the counter, looking down at Hinata. 

"Am I at a secret talk show interrogation now? Cause it's weird. You're weird"

"ANSWER MY QUESTION!"

"No one hates me, we are all cool. Ok maybe Tsukishima wants me dead, but he's rude to everyone. Also, I've never talked with Tendou, but he seems nice. Weird, but nice. Chill guy."

Now Hinata's brain was short-circuiting.

He didn't have enemies? 

"Then why do you come home sad sometimes?"

Kageyama took the boiling water off the oven and took a cup and some powder coffee.

"Huh?"

"Why are you sad sometimes?"

"Because... life? What, I lost my right to be sad now?"

Kageyama was right. He started pouring water over his powder, then scooped a spoon and started mixing.

"Why is with all these questions, all of a sudden?" 

"I dunno. Just questioning."

Kageyama gave him a weird look, then shrugged and took his cup in the living room. He sat down on the couch, loosened his tie and Hinata was drooling over how hot he looked right now. 

"Want a taste?" Kageyama asked.

Hinata felt his soul leaving his body.

"... of coffee. You've been staring at it for like 5 minutes now. You want some?"

Aaaand it came back. 

Time flies different when you're admiring someone. Sad, he wanted a taste, but Kageyama wasn't a coffee flavor for what he remembered. If he was, Hinata would want a taste. 

What was wrong with him all of a sudden?

He started looking around for a clue. Maybe the light? Hidden drugs? Did that neighbor was still trying to murder him for unknown reasons? After some good minutes of thinking, he felt it.

_ It was a smell.  _

"Earth to Hinata~" said Kags waving a hand at him. "I feel like I'm trying to talk with ghosts. Are you there~? Can you hear me?"

Hinata was inhaling sharply, smelling something unusual, distinctive. 

"Hinata, you're fucking weird; what's up with the face? Are you dying?!"

Sweet. 

It smelled sweet. Like honey, but sickeningly sugary. Shoyou thought he might gag on the taste.

"Bleah, what's this smell?!"

He covered his nose and took a step back, a hand in front of him, protecting himself from the Sweet Smell Monster. 

"You idiot, got bugs in your brain? What smell?!"

"You're an idiot! You're not feeling it?!"

"Feel what?"

"The smell!

"You can't feel smells, idiot! That's why you're an idiot!"

"I can clearly feel this one! The smell is that thick!"

Hinata, with his hand over his nose, moved forward towards Kageyama's place on the couch. As he believed, the smell got even stronger. 

"KAGEYAMA! YOU STINK SWEET!"

Because of his hand, Hinata couldn't see the color leaving his friend's face. 

"W-what..? What smell? Huh? What're you talking 'bout?"

"Open the fucking window! I might suffocate and die for real!"

"Can't wait..." Kageyama said opening the window.

Some seconds later, the small boy started inhaling like crazy. 

"Jesus! Dammit!"

Kageyama was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Hinata was staring at him, now smelling something delicious, but not that sweet. It smelled nice, like seduction and passion. 

If you can imagine how passion smells. 

Don't be a pervert, passion doesn't always smell like sex. 

"Kageyama, what the fuck are you wearing?"

"A suit? That's what I wear for my job."

"No, dense turd. Parfume. What parfume did you use? It's too much!"

"No, I'm not using parfume!"

Hinata sat down on the couch, grabbing his leftover coffee.

"You couldn't lie to save your life."

Tobio looked so goddamn uncomfortable, but Hinata was too busy thinking about what was happening.

His friend wasn't bullied. Then, the gay revenge thing was over; Kageyama was smelling like a sugar factory on legs and he was acting weird. Now, what could it be?

Ding.

"Kageyama!"

Hinata didn't see him leaving. 

"Kageyama, where are you?"

Hinata started roaming around the apartment, then he saw Kags' room closed. He knocked three times, on a song's beat.

"Open, I have a question!"

"I don't have answers!"

"I can make you talk, just open the door!"

That sounded right off a porn video, but whatever. 

"No. I gotta change my clothes and work on something!"

"Kageyama! Do you have a girlfriend?"

Silence. 

"Kageya~"

"Heard you! Stop screaming!

"Our neighbors are almost deaf, ha! So, got someone right now?"

Silence again.

"I don't know. Now leave, you're annoying me."

"Mneh-mneh, annoying, yes! How can you not know if you're in a relationship?!"

"Hinata," Kageyama said in his glacial tone, "leave. Not now."

And that's how Hinata knew his friend suffered from a heartbreak.

He still wasn't sure about what exactly was that perfume, but he must've used it to attract someone. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> said gay panic, just meant panic.  
> paniccc  
> for insight, look up PherX


	3. Our smart friend, Kuroo

Tsukishima's 1 a.m. sleep was hard to ignore but even harder to reach. Insomnia slaughtered his life, his mind, but he tried not to fill himself with sleeping pills, like a helium balloon. 

He lived alone in the apartment; a small one furnished simply. He was planning to buy a showcase for some collection figurines and, now he was making some sketches for his next project at work, while he chewed a pen, imagining that it was Kageyama's head.

They two worked together. It was kind of a bad joke that no one laughed at.

During the meeting that day, Kageyama asked to leave an hour earlier, so the boss put all work on Tsukki, and the man only wanted to see his boss dead somewhere. 

The thing had happened a few times before, but he didn't like to remember. He wanted to call Kageyama and tell him to go to Hell with his unmotivated departures.

Even his boss didn't know. Akaashi wasn't exactly talkative, which he appreciated, but if you asked nicely and had the permission of the person, he would tell you exactly why he left.

He didn't tell anyone why Kageyama was leaving.

It was a mystery. 

Tsukishima wanted Scooby Doo to exist and solve the mystery: Kageyama, every Thursday, got up from his desk, went to Akaashi's office, asked for the departure paper, and then left one hour before the end of the program.

Tsukishima picked up the phone from the table: 2 a.m.

He hated his life. At least tomorrow was Friday, and he could happily go to bed all weekend.

The phone started ringing and vibrating in his hand.

**_Unknown number._ **

Okay, Yamaguchi used to make jokes like that, but the poor guy was dead after a game with Ennoshita that afternoon. He didn't have the energy to pee, let alone any for pranks.

_Ring-ring._

"Helooooooo!"

Huh?

"Who's there?"

"It's me."

God, he hated this thing.

"Me, who exactly?"

"Me. You don't know me?"

"Unfortunately, your voice does not ring any bells. Introduce yourself, please."

"Tsukishima, it's me, Hinata!"

So unwanted miracles can happen at night.

"Hi, Hinata."

They hadn't spoken to each other for probably two years, but the boy had a way of talking to make you think you are best friends, which felt like an insult; Tsukki had better taste in friends.

"Hey, Tsukki, am I interrupting you?"

"Maybe. Depends."

"I have a question, that's all, sorry to call so late."

"I've already answered, so go on."

"You work with Kageyama, don't you?"

Oh, so monster-kids were still friends. Kageyama never mentioned anything about the existence of the human tangerine in the immediate proximity, but could not say that he was shocked. 

"Yes, unfortunately."

It didn't matter that they were coworkers; Tsukishima still couldn't stand him. Did Hinata know why Kageyama was leaving work early? 

"Great."

"You've already consumed the question."

"No, it was a check. I mean, the question is: is Kageyama seeing someone? Like dating. Is he dating someone?"

"Hm."

 _Would anyone want him?_ That was a better question. He was leaving work to see someone?

"No, to my knowledge, I've never heard him talk about a girlfriend."

"Yes, well, he came home smelling like a sugar factory!"

Tsukishima has heard of people who stink, people who have floral fragrances, but people who literally smell like sugar, not so often.

"What do you think it smelled like? It can't be sugar, it doesn't make sense."

How many jokes could he make about the information he got from Hinata. Tsukki could see himself smiling in the future. Maybe even tomorrow!

"It smelled like sugar, I swear! He was so sweet! I wanted to throw up!"

"Maybe he was covered in honey under the suit."

"No, he smelled like sugar. As if it had been coated with a sweet aroma. Very sweet. I felt strange around him. It was like this, like a drug! What's going on?"

Tsukishima felt her eyes enlarge, crossing the sleep barrier. _Drug? Perfume? Sweet?_

He started searching through the closets, looking for a small piece of paper. The information he was looking for sounded so familiar that it almost came out of his mouth.

He found it. Tsukishima took out a paper, months old, maybe years old. A phone number.

"I think I have someone who can help you with your problem."

He added the number in his phone, then added it to the conversation with Hinata. He heard the specific sound, the clogged _doom,_ then the voice:

"Tetsuro Kuroo, you're calling me at two in the morning, you don't seem to value your life."

"Hey, Kuroo!" shouted Hinata with all his vocal force.

Kuroo's voice was still thick, but clear. He seemed obviously awakened from his sleep, not at all happy.

"Tangerine, on what occasion? Who else is in this call?"

"Tsukishima. He added you. I asked him something about a perfume used by--"

"Let's not tell the whole world the secrets. Clothes aren't meant to be washed in public."

"Whatever you say, Tsukki. It's good to hear from you; we haven't seen much of each other."

"Mhm," murmured Tsukishima.

"Communicative as always? I forgive you for interrupting my sleep. Say, Hinata, how can I help you?"

"No, actually, I have a question," Tsukki corrected.

"Ask, my friend."

"I'm not informed on the subject, but, is it possible that someone's pheromones to have an ultra-powerful effect on someone else?"

"You mean... the way you can smell smoke or chocolate? Nooo, you can smell them a little, but not like this. Are you guys still learning about pheromones?"

Tsukishima had a list of questions that could lead him to one of three answers. Hinata was silent.

"But under what conditions can the smell be intensified?"

"Sport, strong emotions, by natural means. If you want it artificial, use sprays, creams, that sort of thing."

Hinata made a sound of astonishment on the other side.

"Why, Hinata, do you want to _woo someone?"_

Hinata made a drowned sound on the other side. 

"And, what effect do they have... these things?"

"Well, it depends on the concentration, type, quantity. Are we talking about sex pheromones here, right?"

Tsukki unwittingly blushed. God, how embarrassing this conversation was.

"Yes, we're talking about them."

_At 2 in the morning on a Thursday for God’s sake! What a weird day._

"Well, you want to buy some? What do you want to know about them?"

"How can you feel that someone has ... pheromones thing... perfume?"

Hinata, please say you've got everything you need. Stop talking, it's so embarrassing!

"Well, you don't really feel it. Only if you find the bottle I guess. _Nobody_ wants to get caught with that, ya know?"

Only Kageyama could be caught using that the wrong way, given the fact he was just as smart as his friend. Once an idiot, always an idiot.

"Well, Kageyama smelled sweet!"

_No, he shouldn't have said that! Jesus, no!_

_"Ooooo,_ so that's who we're talking about. Tsukki, is that what you were going to hide from me?" 

He hated his night so bad.

Kuroo continued the conversation even though Tsukki never answered.

"Well, if, absurdly, someone used a perfume with a very high concentration, in some monster quantities, we could say they would smell sweet. And you'd feel a crazy attraction for that person, a maddening one. But it's ridiculous."

Hinata shut up for a few moments. 

"Um... I don't know," he murmured.

"Smell, you say?"

Kuroo was so damn interested in this conversation.

"Yes, completely, it reeked so intensely that I thought I would suffocate!"

"What substance did our boy get his hands on? There's no way, Hinata. I don't think that's possible."

"Maybe he was just unwashed..." Tsukishima added.

"Evil." Kuroo said. "Why do you think he'd use that?"

"Maybe he's tired of being alone and unloved by everyoneee!" said Tsukki, getting up, ready for bed. This conversation about attraction made him nauseous.

"Make sure you don't hang around him for too long, maybe you'll dry hump him by mistake!" Kuroo laughed, then the beep of a closed call was heard.

"Kuroo, no! _Ghh,_ this is embarrassing."

_Now you know how I felt this whole time, my non-friend._

"Did you get the answers you wanted, Hinata?"

"Um, so Kageyama used a perfume with sex pheromones? To _attract_ someone?"

"Yup."

"Uh, okay. I don't know exactly what to do with the information, but thank you very much for your help."

"Okay, okay, bye--"

"No! I have one more question!"

"Well, what is _it?"_

"Do you know anyone who would want to hurt Kageyama?"

Yes, Miya Atsumu. Give the guy two days with the king, and he'll devour his bones and flesh with his own very teeth.

"Um, why are you asking exactly?"

"Tsukishima..."

Silence. 

"... someone's bullying Kageyama, and I'm trying to find out who. I can't tell you, but it could ruin his reputation at work."

_Pf, what reputation? There was nothing left to ruin!_

However, Hinata seemed concerned. Very worried, but he couldn't risk exposing Atsumu. He and his twin brother were dangerous people. 

The Miya Brothers. He didn't know how Kageyama had come into contact with them, especially Atsumu, but Tsukishima didn't want to get involved. 

"I can't tell you everything either," Tsukki began. "but the king will get exactly what he deserves and nothing else."

"Oh, I'm concerned though."

"Don't panic, nothing will happen to you. The face helps."

Hinata laughed over the phone.

"Good night, Tsukki!"

"Bye Hinata!" then hung up the phone.

The other two options were:

  1. Hinata has a broken nose.
  2. Kageyama reeked of garbage and tried to cover the stink with a sweet fragrance.



Hm.

The king used sex pheromones.

Interesting.

He believed the Miya brothers were somehow involved in this whole thing.

_Ding._

A text.

**_Wanna grab a coffee sometime?_ **

It was from Kuroo.


	4. Midnight gift

Kegayama was hyperventilating in his small dark room, half-naked, almost crying with tears of hope and desperation. 

His phone, his ugly and traitorous phone sat on the carpet.

Someone tried to connect into his Grindr account.

Shit, just remembering it made him feel disgusting, like some sort of bottom-tier prostitute. 

He didn't know why. 

He didn't feel like this for so long: he had the account since his first year of college, he used it daily, talked to strangers on a daily basis, like some sort of sick ritual. 

"Why, why, why me?"

Tobio put his hands around his head, trying to cover himself. Maybe if he couldn't see the world, the world would turn a blind eye on him and let Kageyama live with his broken heart. 

His shirt was trashed somewhere, he didn't really care: fuck that shirt and fuck that perfume and fuck Atsumu.  And fuck himself, more than anyone. 

After some hours, after the deep, rotten feeling of shame washed out, panic installed in his system. And not panic.

PANIC.

Hinata was still walking around the apartment, doing whatever he was doing, so Kageyama couldn't use the bathroom. He watched the door and listened to the sounds like a creep. 

Dammit, the smell was so strong and sweet.  Hinata was right, the smell was too potent to be ignored, but the idiot didn't specify that you can't feel the effects right away. 

The effects.  His goal.

After one more hour, Tobio was a nervous mess, fidgeting and trying to remember how to survive without food: if that was possible.

It had to be because he couldn't walk out of his room looking like that 0.1% of bacteria that soap doesn't kill. 

_Jesus,_ even the perfume couldn't cover 3 hours of anxious sweat. And he couldn't go to sleep THAT sweaty. 

But if he just touched the doorknob Hinata's voice would start roaring around like a police siren: 

"Kageyama, are you ready to talk?"

**No,** he wasn't. 

He surely wasn't. 

Tobio looked at the door, thinking hard about how much he needed food and a bath. But then he remembered that he worked with Sakusa. 

Working with him wasn't bad until you came to work filthy, then you were working with Satan. Not even Akaashi put a stop to Sakusa'a terror reign: he just watched from afar, from his impeccable workroom, slightly uncomfortable watching the harassment that happened in the department, but whatever, Akaashi wasn't paid enough for this.

And Kageyama knew because Akaashi was one of his best friends.

He was actually thinking about calling him. 

Tsukishima was probably doing the projects he was supposed to; frankly, he didn't care, so Akaashi could go around all day shoving work up Tsukishima's ass, because Tobio wasn't giving a single fuck about the moron.

"Kageyama, get out already!"

Hinata was really consistent in his harassment. 

Maybe he could make Sakusa and Hinata go on a date together, _BECAUSE THEY GOT JUST SO MANY THINGS IN COMMON_.

He couldn't do it actually.

The thought of Shoyou's smile being directed at someone else made him feel like dying.

_ Shoyou. _

What a beautiful name; it rolled off the tongue like a melody that he'd love to sing all day long. 

But he couldn't, and oh, how his heart shattered at the thought.

"Kageyama! I made dinner! I know you're not sleeping!"

"Yes, I am sleeping!"

"You wouldn't be able to say that if you were actually sleeping! Liar!"

Good point.

He'll remember that next time.

"I don't wanna eat"

"You'll die!"

"I won't!"

"Why don't you wanna die? Are you afraid of rice all of a sudden?"

"I'm not hungry!"

He was thinking about eating his own hand, but he couldn't say that.

After midnight, he tip-toed his way around the apartment. He cleaned himself, ate some of Hinata's leftovers, and picked up his stuff left in the living room.

No sounds were traceable. 

It was quite comforting; being able to sit like that, in complete silence, in the middle of a busy city, no one judging him for wanting something that was completely out of his reach.  No one did judge him in fact: because no one knew. 

Not even Atsumu.

He nurtured his feelings in silence, quietly observing and most of the time admiring something that he couldn't dream about having.

Someone's love, care, total affection that he was yearning for like a dying man.  But he was feeding off scrubs and he was happy with it because it's all that was meant for Kageyama.

After 2 in the morning, sounds came from Hinata's room.  He was speaking with somebody. Tobio was sleepy, nervous, and disappointed so he wasn't paying much attention to it; until he heard his name popping up.

Why is Hinata talking about me?

Well, it was only natural to think that he was talking about him since he acted like a complete freak that day; but who was he talking to?

He approached the door silently: it was slightly opened, the voice clearly hearable as his friend was not particularly a quiet talker.

Kageyama heard another 2 voices: one deeper and raspier than another one, which was quite familiar.  He turned his head to listen more carefully until he heard the word _'Tangerine'._

That way. Tangerine was pronounced in a very very familiar way: the way Kuroo said it.

Kageyama was immediately intrigued. Since when Hinata was so heavily friendly with Kuroo? He knew about his friendship with Kenma since highschool, but Kuroo never  seemed interested in a friendship with his friend; not at late-night-talks level.

And he liked it that way. 

Kuroo was good looking.

Handsome in ways you aren't supposed to look like a normal citizen. He was model-tier looking.  Kageyama looked at his own hands: tough, calloused fingers from volleyball practice. 

Hinata was currently recovering from a leg issue, and he couldn't wait to be on the same court again. 

It was quite amazing, and his heart skipped a beat just thinking about it.  Just as he was starting to think about leaving, he heard Hinata's door opening. 

Kageyama wasn't paying attention to that conversation, but he didn't realize that Hinata stopped talking a while ago. Tobio was positioned behind Hinata's door, in a dark corner.

He was grateful for the dark, because Hinata's head popped out the room, looking around with wide eyes. 

Hinata whispered to nobody:

"Kageyama is probably sleeping, but I still gotta check."

Tobio made himself smaller and watched as his friend started walking down the corridor to his own room. He was in orange pajamas with volleyball balls on them.

Tobio left the door opened too. Hinata whispered "Hm, why's the door open?" and opened it himself.

"Kageyama! Get out, I got some questions!"

The boy in the corner covered his mouth, trying not to laugh. Stupid Hinata. 

"Jeez, the smell again. Did Kageyama go for a run again?"

Right. In the past few months, he made a habit of his running late at night, when his insomnia got the best of him. He was happy that he did that because Hinata wasn't worried and didn't think much of it, given his humming.

"Tanana, nanana, oh, the smell is so _strong."_

He heard a buf on the floor and then, the most delicious sound a human ever made: a soft moan, desperate.

"Ka-ah... Kageya-maaah"

Tobio was stone against the wall. His body went rigid and his mind blank.

Those... Sounds. Pretty sounds. Amazing sounds. Sounds that made his cheeks warm and fingers tingle, and made him think he was dreaming: one of his deepest, most hidden fantasy: hearing his friend pleasure himself. 

He started walking towards his own bedroom, shaking, with his hands around himself, trying no control himself.

After so many years of thinking about it, he couldn't help but wonder how Hinata really looked in his raw, most vulnerable state.

And there he was. 

On his bed, Hinata was half-naked, with his head nuzzling against Kageyama's shirt, a hand trying to cover his mouth, but failing. Sweet sounds rolled off his tongue.

_"Please-mmh..._ ahhm... Please! Please! Please!"

Kageyama was instantly hard, cock rubbing painfully against his boxers. 

_Yes baby, anything you want._

He couldn't move, he could just watch. And he enjoyed it so much. 

Hinata was moving around, spreading his legs, and then, to Tobio's delight, he saw Hinata moving his hand up and down his dick, moaning every time he touched the head. 

"Tobio... mhmmmm Tobiooo yes"

Please, stop, Kageyama thought, gripping his door.

_ Stop, stop, or I might do something stupid. I want you too, please! _

He palmed himself over his pants, trying to tame his need.

Hinata's head was moving faster and faster, eager and his moans became so loud Kageyama didn't believe his own strength. He wanted to get on the bed and touch the skin: touch the skin and the...

_ Ooh... The lips. _

Kageyama approached the bed in a haze, Hinata not registering any movement. His eyes were shut, face in pleasure, screaming his name:

"Tobioo... Ooo... Mhmp... I beg you! Ah"

Hinata suddenly stopped touching himself. For a second.

"Please let me cum... Please!

Kageyama thought this might be heaven. His lips moved before his brain registered:

"No."

Hinata's eyes opened but they were blurred. He squirmed against his shirt and covered his face with it. 

His dick was red. Deep red. It was hard and covered in spit and Kageyama wanted to taste it and make Hinata scream his name over and over again until he milked every drop of cum out of his pretty body. 

"Tobioo~, please, let me cuum"

"No"

He couldn't resist. 

He couldn't.

God forgive him, he wanted this so much.

Tobio's hands wrapped around Shoyou's dick.

He didn't think Hinata. He was jerking of Shoyou. The way it sounded, pornographic almost, making his fantasies feel like torture. 

He moved his shaft and Hinata jerked his hips upwards, fucking into his hand.

"Please, ah-- please, I'll do anything!"

_ Let me see your face.  _

Kageyama had an evil thought. He wanted Shoyou to beg, beg like a slut. He wanted Shoyou open in front of him, showing his own need and desperation. He wanted to edge him until he started crying from overstimulation.

He stopped touching Shoyou. 

"Please, ah, Kageya-maa-aaah, please, I beg you-"

"Say what you want."

"Mhm, nooo"

Kageyama's dick twitched. He enjoyed this. His hand found Shoyou's dick again, and have him two full strokes before stopping.

He moved forward, his lips next to Shoyou's ear, whispering:

"Say what you want, baby"

"Aaaah! Mmmm!"

"Say it!"

"Fuck-mmhm- Kageyamaaaah"

"You don't want to say it? Naughty boy.

Kageyama couldn't really stop when he started humping Shoyou violently, his own hips moving forward and Shoyou was losing it. 

The smaller boy was moaning loud, gripping everything he could touch.

"More, more and more! Tobio~, let me cum! Fuck me--mhm!"

_ I can't, but I want. I want to fuck. You want to spread your hole just for me? _

Kageyama moves forward, close, agonizingly close to Shoyou's lips.

They're pink, beautiful, and shiny: he wants a taste, but right then the front door of their apartment is slammed into the wall so hard Tobio thought they may be flatmates 

now with that old lady. 

"You motherfuckers!"

Tsukishima.

That was Tsukishima's loud, annoying ass voice.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me father for that i have sinned

**Author's Note:**

> i enjoy this too much  
> next chapter will be full of gay panic!! i can't wait!!!


End file.
